Insensitive
by MIZZOU
Summary: The Lone Wanderer can't stand it anymore, the many woes of the Wasteland have left him exhausted and dejected. He tries to give it up, and stop playing hero, but when tragedy strikes, can he really just quit?


Nathan stared at the grotesque scene in front of him, unmoved. Try as he might, he could not spare a care for these people. He presumed they had been ambushed by an unusually organized Raider gang, due to the mangled corpses littered across the acre. Nathan used to spill his guts at such sights, but he could not shed a single tear.

That was how it was as of late, Nathan had slowly become nonchalant with the Wastelanders' misfortunes. In denial at first, he put nothing but his utmost effort into his legendary crusades to eliminate the evils of the Wasteland. The exploits distracted him from his own disturbing nature.

Nathan could not suppress his cold disposition any longer. Rather than ignoring it, he chose to acknowledge his apathy.

_I've become fatigued. Fatigued with the Wastelanders' gluttonous ways. They shall surely devour me. How is one supposed to be philanthropic and just in an abominable world? I cannot go any longer pretending that I care, pretending that I minister them out of benevolence. My sympathy for humanity is gone; these feeble people are parasites, and they have sucked me dry._

Nathan felt relieved after his brief introspection, he wore an emotional muzzle no longer. Dismally for the Capital Wasteland, their Redeemer had just turned his divine light off. Nathan suffered the worst death that any man could ever experience, the death of hope.

-------------

He didn't know what he would do. He figured he would find out soon enough, but for now, he had one last mission. He knew he must go to the Citadel, to tell them of his "retirement", and explain why. Perhaps, they would understand, and also give up their meaningless quest. Nathan was also well aware that they may turn against him for his cold ideology, but he did not care. There was no sense of righteousness binding him down. Nathan was free.

Upon arrival to the Citadel, a Knight had enthusiastically greeted him with a "Hail!". Ignoring the Knight, Nathan moved on, eyes set forward. He advanced into the council room, where he knew they would be.

They were discussing which areas would be best to remove and place troops, and where there the Super Mutant population needed to be controlled. It was a monthly meeting they had. No one just waltzed into the council room _during_ an assemblage, so they all turned to meet the rude intruder. Of course, no one dared scold the man before them, and all of their eyebrows raised when they saw him. He looked like he had a purpose. Nonetheless, they were still glad to see their champion. Though not one of them would admit it, he was their role model. They strove to be just like this man, who was hardly more than an adolescent.

"Ah, Nathan. To what do we owe this pleasantly unexpected visit?" Elder Lyons inquired, standing up and looking curious.

Nathan strode into the room. There was no plan in his mind on what he would tell them, he just spoke.

"I'm done." he simply stated.

"With what?" but Owyn already knew.

"Human nature. I no longer have any desire to surround myself with beasts. It's always hypocrisy, willful ignorance, piggishness, bigotry, helplessness, and the one that runs most rampant, greed."

Everyone in the room had been taken aback. It was as if God Himself had told them that they were all worthless. Sentinel Lyons stood up.

"Do you believe you're perfect?"

Nathan smiled at her, but it was an empty smile, "No, to think that I was perfect would be... imperfect."

"How could you just give up, after everything?" she asked, a hint of desperation in her voice.

"Because _they_ have given up. I can't help the destitute when they do not cooperate. On top of that, I don't care. Not anymore. I can't fathom why I ever did in the beginning." He paused a moment, then carried on, "I instructed the children, I thought it was my duty to force them to evolve into cultivated human beings. I did this only to learn that all children are wicked beasts, incapable of maturing."

"Who are these 'children'? You speak as if we, the Brotherhood, are excluded from your harsh induction." the Elder said this soothingly, as if he was trying to coax a bomb into not exploding.

"The common man you find in the wastes. The man who believes that I am obliged to save his life, so that he may turn around and rape a _child_. Or the ones too useless to do a thing. All they do is sit and lament over their misfortunes, and beg me to set everything right, so he can bemoan about my methods. The whore who is addicted to every drug known to man, but believes she is _deserving_ of _my_ time. These are the normal people of the Wasteland. Then, you'll have the Raiders, sadistic sociopaths with no intention other than inflict as much pain on the world as possible. These people are incurable, but never were entitled to a medication in the first place."

The room was silent, what he said was at least partially true. Sarah decided to try her luck with the man again.

"Look, we all know the Wasteland isn't paradise, but we have to make the best of it we can. If you're making a change in just one person's life, it's that much better a world." her voice wasn't as cautious as her father's, she trusted Nathan much more.

"Perhaps, but you see, I can't do it anymore. I'm weary. I need to stop, or I'll be a hollow shell. I suppose I am a hollow shell now, but what if I become irritated with the people? What happens when I get violent towards that man, or that whore? What will _you_do if I become an enemy? I can't possibly expect you to turn a blind eye. I'm not the Lone Wanderer you've thought me to be. I even regret all that I've done! I should have listened to Eden, I should have eradicated the scum that plagues the Earth! Instead, I stubbornly purified the waters, ensuring that humankind would die a slow, painful death! Maybe it was out of my own cowardice that I did it, the FEV would have killed me, too."

"The Hero of the Wastes is no coward." Knight Captain Gallows stated, surprising almost everyone in the room.

"I'm the biggest coward of them all. That's why I'm running away." the Lone Wanderer countered.

After another silent moment, Nathan spoke once more.

"I want to talk to Sarah. Alone."

Everyone complied willingly enough, but none of them wanted anything more than to hear their private conversation. Elder Lyons would not have it, it would be disrespectful to the two.

"Now that I've made my decision, it's your turn." Nathan told her, staring straight into her eyes, but she felt as if they were boring into her soul.

"What decision?"

Now was the time, his own little moment of truth. She held him in her hands now, would she crush him? Only she would have the power to do so. Or was there anything left to crush?

_Yes, there is. There definitely is._

"Will you join me? Don't ask where, that's irrelevant."

Her eyes widened, that was the last thing she had expected. She didn't know if she wanted to or not. No, that's wrong, she knew what she _wanted_. The question wasn't about her want, he already knew that's what she longed for, but it was whether or not she'd follow through. Selfish, or selfless?

"I...I can't do that." she murmured, and warm tears rolled down her face.

"I understand, Sarah." he said, smiling that same, empty smile, only this time it was worse. She crushed him, it was what he expected. She was born for the Brotherhood, not for him. He didn't hold it against her, not at all. He still loved Sarah, with every ounce of his body, he didn't waste a single droplet of passion on anything else. Once she said that, he knew he had to leave. Staying wouldn't be in her best interest, she'd be conflicted with him around. He'd always be around, and she would be too busy to give him any attention. It would ruin her, to have something she desired so much right in front of her, but out of her reach. It would ruin him, too. So she had to decide, and he had to let the decision to be hers.

However, all of his passion for her was not a good thing. Passion comes in many forms, and some of it is spiteful. She just broke him, and he couldn't leave without returning the favor.

With that depressing grin still present on his face, he turned away, but not silently.

"Maybe," he started to sing.

"You'll think of me, when you're all... alone."

She visibly flinched when he said "alone", and he was lucky he didn't see her look of pain. He was already feeling anguish biting at his throat, but continued the number. Even when he was out of earshot, Sarah could hear his voice singing that sorrowful song.

------------

Three months later, all of the Citadel's inhabitants gathered around an open, pristine,18 gauge stainless steel casket. With Brotherhood insignia was carved on the outside it looked very elegant, for an object found in the Wastes. It was the casket of the beloved Sentinel, Sarah Lyons.

After Nathan had left, she became distracted. Losing your focus while fighting Super Mutants is the perfect recipe for disaster. Power armor could can only take so much abuse, and a Mutant with a minigun is a dangerous thing. It tore threw her armor and pierced her body. She didn't die immediately, but instead lay on the ground, bleeding, dying. The Pride was in a frenzy, doing all they could, but Sarah paid no attention to them. She thought about her father, and of course, Nathan. She would die alone, without either, yet she died with a smile. She was clueless as to why she was happy, she wanted to keep living, but her muscles gripped that same smile.

Nathan was at the wake, destroyed. He didn't take his eyes off her peaceful face. He wished he could have that same peacefulness. God knows he needed it.

Elder Lyons approached him after the funeral, when everyone had left, with the same, red eyes that Nathan had. No one in the Wasteland had ever seen Owyn, or Nathan cry, but now they almost flaunted their tears.

"They said she went with a smile on her pretty face. Not dementia, but genuine euphoria. She's finally able to rest."

"I loved her." Nathan whispered.

"You know," the Elder said thoughtfully, "she'd want someone to take her place. There's only one person who could ever live up to her stature." Lyons wasn't trying to manipulate Nathan into joining the Brotherhood, he was sincere. It was what Sarah would want.

Nathan nodded solemnly.

"Anything for Sarah."

Elder Lyons left him there, and he laid beside the grave. He turned on the radio, and grimaced at the dark irony. More tears escaped his eyes as Bill Kenny sang that song that made him feel lonelier than ever before.

"Maybe."

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I think I started off really strong, but then kind of sizzled out. Hopefully, you guys were able to withstand my half-assed attempt to add romance to the story, if I didn't I don't know how I could have ended it. I used the same writing style as I did with "The Once and Future King", so those of you who have read my other stories, please tell me which style you like more.

I'm pretty sure that Bill Kenny is the guy who sings "Maybe", he was the Ink Spot's lead tenor at the time, so that's really just an assumption. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Please review, I really want to hear anything and everything you guys have to say about this story. Did you love/hate the style? Too many confusing words? Did I try too hard? This style is really new to me, I need to improve on it as much as possible.


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